For some weird reason, I really like this word. It has nothing to do with Turks, but is made up of two halves – TÜR meaning door and the other half meaning "handle". Hence door handle.

To me it just sounds right -- I think "klinke" is exactly the sort of clinking noise a door handle makes when you open it, particularly if it's actually a handle, not a knob, fnarr fnarr. Of course TÜR shouldn't be mixed up with TOR, which means "gate" as in the BRANDENBURGER TOR – the famous monument in central Berlin. You know, the one with the pillars and the horses on top.

When it comes to football, TOR is also a goal, which is why TORWART is a goal keeper. Germany's produced its fair share of top shot-stoppers in the past – from the kindly-looking Jens Lehmann who was at Arsenal for years to nasty Toni Schumacher who bulldozed that French striker in the 1982 World Cup semi-finals in Spain and never even got a yellow card. Not that I'm bitter or anything – it was, of course, Germany who got through at England's expense in the previous round, partly because former Hamburg striker Kevin Keegan couldn't find the back of the German TOR.

Here's a nice easy one - this is obviously that creamy, white stuff you spread on your toast. It's also pronounced the same as in English, assuming you like short u's that is. I don't want to start blathering on about genders, which is frankly very dull, but the good news for anyone who can't remember if BUTTER is masculine, feminine or neuter - well, you've got a two-in-three chance of being right (as opposed to a one-in-three chance in most other cases). That's because it's die Butter in most of Germany but, for some weird reason, der Butter in Bavaria. So if anyone pulls you up short, just look dumb and pretend you learnt your German from some cretinous farmer in Fürstenfeldbruck.

There are a couple of other words that rhyme with butter that are kind of easy to guess: MUTTER for mother and FUTTER for fodder (food for animals). Unfortunately, if you thought other English words like "cutter", "gutter" and "nutter" had similar German equivalents, well tough - they don't. I have no idea what a gutter is in German - probably something like Dachrohrwasserlieferungsgerät. (Actually Katja tells me it's REGENRINNE.)

Cracking word, this one. It means "to snore".

I learned today from my brother-in-law's sister that in French "to snore" is "ronfler", which is a nice word but sounds just too polite. Schnarchen, on the other hand, gets the message across much better. I mean, you can't even say the word without wrinkling up your nose –, go on, try it. The only trouble is, tell someone "you snore" and it's DU SCHNARCHST, which is a bit tricky.

I do quite like bunging some chicken thighs in the oven at 230C alongside some potatoes for a quick and easy roast dinner – something I learnt off Jamie Oliver I think. But I had always wondered why thigh in German was this ludicrously long word Oberschenkel. In fact, the meaning is clear when you realise that a Schenkel is basically the same word as "shank", as in a lamb shank, which is a juicy leg joint you have to slow cook. Nice with some flagellot beans by the way. Oberschenkel is therefore just "upper shank", which also explains why "calf" is Unterschenkel. But sorry, these words are just silly. Can you imagine a footballer who's been crocked going "Ooo mein Oberschenkel"? No, nor me.

I was just listening to my guilty pleasure – the Absolute Eighties digital-radio station after eating a plate of pasta – when what should come on but "The Model" by German electro-synth outfit Kraftwerk. Their name, which is usually totally mangled by English-speaking types, has two halves: Kraft and werk. Kraft for some reason means "power". And werk is kind of obvious – it's a works or, in this case, a station. So Kraftwerk is "powerstation", which – perhaps intentionally – was also the name of another 80s band that was formed as an offshoot from another synth group of the time: Duran Duran. I should add that Kraftwerk was one of the few internationally successful German groups during the early 80s, unless you count the criminally bad "Goombay Dance Band", which I don't because they are shit.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Goombay_Dance_Band